Often, only through complete defeat are we able to take our first steps through liberation and strength. In surrender, we find absolute freedom and victory. When our friend Brandon stopped fighting anything and anybody, he started on the path to sobriety, serenity and peace.
Note: Cenikor offers a MAT scholarship through ARPA and SAMHSA grants. To view eligibility requirements and apply, please visit https://www.cenikor.org/lp/mat-scholarship/.
My name is Brandon C., and I’m an alcoholic and a drug addict. My sobriety date is July 26, 2024.
I feel very fortunate and consider it a privilege to be able to share a little bit of my experience, strength, and hope with you. I’m going to attempt to share in a general way what my life used to be life, what happened, and what my life is like today.
I was born and raised in Dallas, TX. I’m the oldest of five kids, and we all have different fathers. It was a very dysfunctional household. My mother seemed to marry alcoholics and then try to fix them. My mother never drank alcohol or did drugs, ever. There was a lot of fighting in my home, lots of verbal and physical abuse.
I don’t really remember my first drink but I definitely remember my first drunk. I was probably 12 or 13 years old and it was time for the junior high dance. I had lots of friends and we all pitched in to rent a limousine. We also scored four huge bottles of Southern Comfort Whiskey Sour. For some reason, I was more interested in that bottle than I was with the school dance.
Alcohol took away all my fear, it helped me be comfortable in my own skin and it helped me be confident talking to girls. At the end of the night, I threw up all over my room, but in my head, I just couldn’t wait to do it again.
As a young teen I couldn’t get alcohol all the time, but I drank every chance I got. I drank to change the way I felt. It was around this time that I started smoking weed and getting into trouble with the law. I was arrested twice as a young teenager for being in stolen vehicles, and I got a thrill running from the police—and even though I knew it was wrong, I enjoyed the reputation it gave me with my boys I hung out with.
This lifestyle continued throughout my teenage years, and I soon started selling drugs and experimenting with just about anything I could get my hands on.
I became a father at a young age, but had zero parenting skills. I wish I could tell y’all that this caused me to change my ways but that would be a lie. I continued to sell drugs and get deeper into the criminal lifestyle. I was arrested for felony possession of marijuana and placed on probation.
Probation required me to actually follow some rules: one of them was I had to stay sober. I don’t think it even dawned on me that I couldn’t do that. I was court-ordered to attend Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings and I thought that was a joke.
I didn’t know it at the time, but looking back, I can now see clearly that I was already in the grip of full-blown alcoholism and drug addiction. I failed just about every drug test I ever took and I wouldn’t even show up for my probation report. I ran for about six months until they finally caught me. I received a two-year prison sentence.
While I was in prison, I was exposed to AA. One Friday evening it was super loud in the dorm I was in. Everyone had just gone to the commissary, so the atmosphere was almost festive: we were able to make our purchases for coffee, food, snacks, etc. If you’ve been to prison, you know exactly what I mean.
Over the speaker I heard a guard say, “AA turn out.” Then again, “AA turn out.” I heard the door pop open. Now I had no interest in attending an AA meeting, but anytime the door popped open, I would go out. It didn’t matter if it was church, medical pass, anything, if I could get out of the dorm, I did: usually just to move around and see if I could see some of my friends.
When I walked out of the door, the guard told me the AA meeting would be in the chapel. A guy named Mark W. showed up and told his story. He told us what his life used to be like, and what his life was like currently after getting sober through AA and the Twelve Steps.
There was something about him. He made a sober life seem attractive. But once the meeting was over and he was gone, I had to return to my cell. I forgot everything he shared.
My life continued to spiral out of control once I was released from prison. For the next 25 years my disease of alcoholism and addiction continued to progress. I was in this vicious cycle of treatment, then I would relapse, wind up back in jail and then back in prison, over and over and over.
I did experience a period of sobriety. In 2011 I had become an IV heroin addict and was also smoking crack cocaine. Somehow, I wound up being able to get off the needle and the heroin when I enrolled in a methadone clinic.
I finally tapped out and asked someone for help. It was through so much pain and suffering that led me to seek a way out. I found myself back in the rooms. I got a sponsor and worked the Twelve Steps to the best of my ability.
Very gradually, my life started to change, for the better. I will say that my first two years in sobriety, it was uncomfortable. I had to find a home group and be around people I didn’t know. But slowly, I started to become a little more and more comfortable in my sober life. I learned how to create healthy relationships in the rooms of recovery.
Other alcoholics reeled me into service work. I learned how to make commitments and actually keep them. Sobriety had a huge impact on all aspects of my life. I was able to be a father to be two daughters; a husband to my wife; a son to my mother, who is now in Al-Alon; a brother to my siblings; a friend amongst friends; and a worker amongst workers.
I was blown away by the results of staying sober one day at a time and trying to be of service to my fellow human beings. I had the same job for almost a decade. My family became really close, traveling together and enjoying vacations. Sobriety allowed me to become the person I always wanted to be but never could because of my addiction.
Addiction is a vicious disease, and I am never cured. In spite of all the amazing changes in my life and all the miracles and healing, I drank again on July 2, 2019. The drink led me back to the drugs, and I totally destroyed my life and my family’s. It took ten months to demolish what took almost ten years to rebuild. My relapse was devastating, to say the least.
The result was ending up in prison again. I really struggled after my release, and I became a chronic relapser. I was so overwhelmed with feelings of shame, guilt, fear and anger. My disease progressed quickly until I became physically dependent on opiates and alcohol.
I stared looking for help because I was miserable using, but when I would try to quit, I would get physically sick, so I would have to put something in my body to feel better. It was around this time that I found Cenikor.
It’s really hard for me to put into words how grateful I am for Cenikor. I didn’t have a job and was living in my car, when I called ask about some help. The lady who did the assessment was amazing: she was kind and I didn’t feel any judgement. I simply told her the truth about my situation. I was told that they had availability in Waco for detox, and I was scheduled for the next day, so I hauled myself to Waco.
On the way from Dallas to Waco, I began to get really anxious and afraid. I was beyond scared to detox, afraid of the physical and mental torture of being separated from drugs and alcohol. When I arrived, I was greeted by friendly staff members. The facility was amazing. I went through the intake process, changed into medical scrubs for detox, and was given a brief tour of the facility.
During detox, I received medical attention which helped alleviate the majority of the pain of withdrawals and my anxiety. I was visited by a counselor once a day. I was informed that residential treatment was available and another program called medication-assisted treatment (MAT), but being the alcoholic that I am, I denied both.
I completed the detox and felt great—or so I thought. Shortly after leaving detox, within 12 hours, I relapsed. I was ashamed, totally disgusted with myself. I lived in that misery for a month or so, and then I picked up the phone and once again called Cenikor.
I did this over and over again. I began to wonder if I would ever be able to live a sober life. I started having thoughts of suicide and I felt so isolated. Almost like my higher power, my family, and friends in recovery were a million miles away. Mentally, physically and financially, I was a broken individual.
Once again I reached out for help and called Cenikor. I am so grateful they had room for me in detox. This time I told myself that whatever help they offered me, I was going to accept it. I went through detox again. When they asked me if I was interested in MAT, I said yes. I started in the MAT program and all went really well. I inquired about the inpatient residential program and was really excited when I found out there was space available, again in Waco.
Looking back I can clearly see that it was a combination of things that were happening simultaneously: I was taking my medicine as prescribed, eating three delicious meals a day, and my day was full of classes and counseling, plus every evening people from AA and NA would come to bring us meetings. I got a temporary sponsor which helped tremendously.
I also had time: time to be alone with my higher power, time to exercise, time to meet other people at the center who were also looking for a solution. Cenikor in Waco gave me an opportunity to begin laying a foundation for a well-rounded recovery.
From the first day, I felt like I was in the right place. Cenikor’s staff treated me like I was a valued human being, with kindness and compassion—and I mean everybody, from intake and client registration; the behavioral health techs; the kitchen staff, who helped me gain weight; the counselors; all were very helpful.
My recovery has been a roller coaster, with lots of ups and downs, but constantly moving forward. Today, I’m back home in Dallas. I have a home group, a sponsor, and I surround myself with people in recovery. I continue to take my MAT meds, which help keep me balanced. I attend lots of meetings and stay plugged in. I have a job today; one I actually enjoy. I am able to be all the things my family needs me to be.
When I wake up in the morning, I ask myself, “How can I be of service to my family, to my co-workers, and to the general public?” When I keep it that simple, I seem to really enjoy my da
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